Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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