She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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