Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
