you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I need a hoe opinion
go on
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
