the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
nutella sex= disaster
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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