just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You don't make any sense
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