so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
