I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
