I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
