I'm gonna have a badass scar
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
