All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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