she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
