she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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