I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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