She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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