He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
