People in love make me want to vomit
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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