I hope mine doesn't look like that
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
