We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
