i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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