well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
