this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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