Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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