This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Randomize
