Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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