she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
