The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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