Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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