Midget sex pt 2 tonight
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
