I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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