my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
