This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
