Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
