Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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