Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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