The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
We're too hungover to prance.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
