I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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