I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
