Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
