Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
