Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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