...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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