He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Randomize
