Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
