i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
