Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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