First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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