So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
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