I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
