If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
