Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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