apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
